Elephants and Formals

Elephant Fact #3: Elephants are herbivores and eat roughly 5% of their body weight.

I suppose this post is a little overdue, but I wasn’t really sure how to put my thoughts into words—or if I should put it into words. However, I feel that because this blog is after all for posterity—the future — and especially considering that it is my final year of high school, I might as well document everything.

Yesterday, I got asked out to our school formal. It's just as friends so it’s not like I’m too worried or anything…

…but Jesus.

How do these things even work? All I know about prom is what I’ve seen from slasher movies, vampire flicks … and Carrie. People have been throwing around words like ‘corsage’ and ‘seating plan’ like freaking confetti— I didn’t even know that they still sold corsages. I’d always thought that “to buy a corsage” was only an expression—like “bush turkeys aren’t edible”. Pff. Nice try, but I won't bite.

And then you have my parents’ version of what occurs on formal night—alcohol, drugs, teenage pregnancies, bad food. It makes me wonder how I even convinced them to let me go in the first place. Admittedly, they weren’t thrilled when I told them that I had a—date?—but once I dissuaded them from the idea of “gunning him down” (nice, Dad), I was able to calmly explain that 1) I was, contrary to their belief, not a hooker for accepting and 2) I’d be perfectly fine because 3) I know fucking tae kwon do. That’s like having the less awkward version of vagina dentata.

...

Please don't Google that last one.

Regardless, I have a strange feeling that when I reach for my lipstick in my purse on the night, I’d be finding a bottle of pepper spray in my hand instead…

For the last time, Dad, that wasn’t funny!

The Unlucky Elephant

Another Note: Might I add, I’m actually quite offended at some of the reactions I received when some people heard about this.

Me: Yeah, I have a date.

Friend: You?

Me: Yeah.

Friend: You?

Me: Yes.

Friend: YOUUUUUUUUUUUU—

Me: Oh, #$%^& this &@#%.