Monday 21 May 2012

Elephants and Sandwiches


Elephant Fact # 11: Elephants are actually evolving to lose their tusks.

I just wanted to post a few drawings I made for a friend’s birthday card. (At the rate I’m going I could get a job at Hallmark).

He likes sandwiches to an obscene degree (it’s not normal, is all I’m saying).




And my other friend put them altogether in one giant sucker punch:


Oh God, it’s beautiful! Happy birthday!

I just had my second House Assembly that I hosted (?) today—we were looking at different House themes and flags for this year’s Athletics Carnival.

 I think I might like speaking in front of audiences.

That’s it for today, but I might add more later—I have to TOK!

The Unlucky Elephant 

Sunday 6 May 2012

Elephants and Zombies


Elephant Fact #10: Elephants normally walk at a speed of about four miles per hour.

I’m really getting into this whole ‘blogging’ business!

Just watched the penultimate episode of Season 2 of The Walking Dead. My reaction:


I swear, I love this show. It’s not just the fact that it’s about zombies that I love, but the whole dynamic of the group trying to survive it—you have the goody-goody sheriff and his psycho partner, the sheriff’s slutty lovely town bicycle wife, his pansy son and a few other ridiculously awesome characters to carry the show—and man, do they pull it off.

Especially the hillbilly.  Everyone loves the hillbilly.

So I guess it got me thinking—should an apocalypse occur, rendering all of us and the rest of the world as vicious, savage, flesh-eating zombies—how’d you try to stay alive?



I’m imagining that there are a horde of zombies outside my window right now. Alright, I have a gate. That should keep them out for a while.

But not forever, right? And how long can I stay in my house when all my pantry/fridge is filled with is lettuce and Spam? Dear God, not the lettuce!

Let’s assume a few weeks have passed now and I’m outta supplies. And for fun, let’s assume all of my neighbors are dead. I need to find a place that I can barricade myself in for awhile.

Well, how about the local grocery? It’s not too far away, plus it’s near my cinema. Being the last person on earth, I think I’d need a little entertainment.

Okay, so let’s head there. Oh crap! Look at that gigantic mob of zombies outside my gate! Something must’ve attracted them—goddammit, I knew singing karaoke last night was a bad idea!

I need a weapon! Well, that should be easy enough. Thanks to my dad, I have a whole arsenal—two machetes, a taser, brass knuckles, pepper spray and a katana. I don’t plan on getting close enough to the zombies to use the taser or the pepper spray, so I’ll just take a machete, the katana and the brass knuckles (because it was a birthday gift).

I’m all set!

Okay, transport. Well…I can drive—albeit very badly—but then again, I don’t think that running over people will be an issue, here. So, I’ll take my dad’s four-wheel drive and run over all the zombies in my path.

I know they’ll be attracted to noise, though, so I’ll dump the car partway through the trip and make the rest of it on foot.

But I can’t be sure that I won’t be found out by the zombies, so I’ll trip the car alarm by giving it a few good whacks with the machete. That oughta draw the zombies’ attention towards it and away from me.

So, assuming I make it safely to the store—what next? Well, I guess I should go into it.
OH NO! A bunch of the undead are loitering inside the grocery store. Dammit, why didn’t I think of that? OH CRAP! They’ve smelt my musky, manly odor of pure awesomeness. They’re coming towards me! Shitshitshitshitshit—

No need to panic! Time to break out my trusty katana and bust open a can of whoop-ass! I can do this!



Twenty minutes later.

Arrrrrrrrrrghhsnargleblargh. Mrrrghhhha…brains. Must…have…brains. Facebook…the devil….spurrrrghaghuuuuooo….arrghblarrgh raawrrrrrrr—

The Unluc-arrghblargh—ky Eleph-grrraahhhhh-ant.

Saturday 5 May 2012

Elephants and Macbeth


Elephant Fact #9: Elephants live in tight, social units led by an older matriarch.

I was bored, so I thought I’d try my hand at illustrating the second set of prophecies of Macbeth.

First Apparition: The armed head.

I know that Macbeth isn’t Greek, but Greek armor looks awesome. So bite me.

Second Apparition: The bloody child.

Turned it into a girl because I thought it would look creepier.

Third Apparition: A child crowned, with a tree in his hand.

There's a kid supposed to be in there somewhere, but I got sick of drawing people. And I also prefer the symbolism of the tree trunk.

I might do a parody of the three prophecies someday...

I love long weekends! Happy Labor Day (next Monday)!
The Unlucky Elephant


Update: I forgot to mention, today is the birthday of a friend of mine! And yeah, a bunch of other people were born in May, but I've known this dude for like, forever. I absolutely hate the bastard.


Happy birthday!




Friday 4 May 2012

Elephants and School Bags


Elephant Fact #8: Further research is needed to determine whether elephants are actually afraid of mice.

Ah, what an incredibly long week.

I had my IOC today—I got ‘The Not So Good Earth’, by Bruce Dawe as my subject. I think I did well—although I certainly could have done better—but my commentary was not without a few hideous blunders on my part.

Does this sound right to you?

“…and Dawe uses imagery in ’25-inch Chinese peasant’ in Line 1 of the poem to imply the apathetic attitude of the white people—“

A startled glance from examiner.

 “—towards the Chinese peasants. The ignorance of the white people—“

Examiner's eyes bulge slightly.

 “—is shown through the recurring motif of television in Dawe’s works, for example, Americanized. Here, the white people—oh. Oh.


Oops.

Moving on, something hilarious happened in French class today—there’s this teacher at our school who’s a stickler for having bags that aren’t laptop bags in the classroom. 

Unfortunately, her definition of ‘laptop bags’ tends to change as daily as my underwear.


So she sort of saunters into the classroom, takes one look around and then makes this little route around the class, picking up bags on the way while the rest of us kinda just watch with our mouths open in a sort of sick, sick fascination.

Halfway through, we realize what’s going on and so there’s this massive flurry of action as people dive towards their bags and begin frantically pulling out their laptops and valuables and other sorts of things they don’t want her to hock at the local pawn shop.



Or, you know, our lunches.

And then when she finally emerges from underneath the desks like a misshapen swamp-monster, struggling under what is essentially the entire class’s textbooks on her shoulders while we struggle to reign in our laughter, she takes one look at us through narrowed eyes and says:



Zoom in on that picture, I beg you.

Looking forward to a relaxing weekend,
The Unlucky Elephant

Note: So I thought illustrating some of my blog posts would be a fun project…what do you think?